He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
