i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
