weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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