i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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