So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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