She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
