do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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