My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bring money and cleavage
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
