You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
