he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk is a universal language darling
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
