a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
