The maid of honor just puked.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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