Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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