so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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