I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
