What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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