can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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