Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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