they need to just BURY HIM!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
