I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
