I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
