then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need water and some morals
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
