She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
