the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
