the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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