it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
