I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
