I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
