Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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