i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
