i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
