i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
