You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
