I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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