i would punch a child for taco bell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
