lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
