That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
