you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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