yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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