i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
