ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
