I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
