I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
