She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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