If i come over, it means nothing
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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