And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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