I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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