you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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