ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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