I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
