Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
