Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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