wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
